Iowa Trip

Last weekend we went back to Iowa. Steve's company had their annual Christmas party - yes, it's January, but they always do it in January when people aren't so busy. LOL The company headquarters are in Des Moines, so that's where the party was.

After not having been back for 2 months, I was so anxious to head back. I don't know what it is, but Iowa just 'feels' so different for me -- I'm thinking it'll always feel like 'home'. There's something about just crossing the stateline on I-35 and being in Iowa that gives me the 'warm fuzzies'! :)

We stayed with my parents and had a wonderful, although quick, time with them. They're always so gracious and hospitable to us! (Thanks Dad & Mom!)

Then on Sunday we got to go back to our old church, Heartland Assembly in Ankeny. I'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing. LOL It was quite emotional for me, and I had a good cry on the way back to KC. The worship and teaching were good, as always, but what was so good was just to be in a place where you're known, loved, cared about. It was so wierd (and wonderful) to walk into the church and have people spot us and come running up to us, with huge smiles on their faces, just so excited to see us, so genuinely glad to have us back. I was in awe as I stood with dear friends and listened to all that God is doing in their lives.

Having led Christ-Life (http://www.christlifesolution.org/) there for so long, we have seen so many lives changed. I was in tears listening to people share their lives. I remember these men and women that had been in my Phase 1 group and the awful things they shared, the guilt and shamed that tormented them...and I remember watching as God began to set them free....and now, standing with them, several are leading Christ-Life groups, marriages have been healed, and so many of them are 'pillars' in the church. I was so grateful for the time God had us there and impacted so many lives through us.

All that morning, they loved on us, prayed for us, and hugged us repeatedly. It felt so good to be valued, wanted, loved on. It felt so good to be known. To be liked. To be cared about.

Kansas City still feels so 'cold'. We still feel so 'isolated'. I cried the whole way back to KC because I so miss what we had in Ankeny. It wasn't perfect, and there were times I'd be frustrated, but it was 'home'. And, there's something about being known and having real, deep, meaningful relationships. I feel torn between wanting to go back to what we knew and yet wanting to be here, in the current center of God's will for our lives.

I truly treasured the time with my family and with our church family this past weekend. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go back, if even for a short time. It ached my heart to have to leave again and yet it was 'refreshing' in a way to be around people who knew us and loved us for at least a little while.

And, here we are in KC, on our own again. Sometimes my heart feels so weak and I wonder what in the world God is up to with our lives. But, deep inside I can't help but trust. I know His character too well. I can't help but believe that someday this ache and this pain of 'loss' will be worth it. I can't help but believe that God has good things in store for our family. His leadership is PERFECT, and whether or not I feel it at the moment, I choose to believe it's true!