This morning I received an amazing gift-- a picture of Father God's love toward us, in human form, a form that I could understand and comprehend. The morning began a little later than planned and we were getting ready for church, but thing were justnot going very smoothly for me! Ya' know -- one of those mornings when your hair's not right, your clothes aren't right, etc. etc. I was running behind and things just were not smooth at all. It was so frustrating and I was disappointed with myself and irritate. What a great way to head off to church, huh? :-)
All through this, my dear, sweet, wonderful, & patient husband was sweetly encouraging me and just helping get the boys ready and out the door. They went ahead and headed out the door to wait for me in the car, while I finished scurrying around. Then it hit me -- oh, no -- the car! Steve is really particular about some things and one of the things is the car being cleaned out. Well, the boys and I had gone to my parents on Saturday by ourselves and it was late when we got home, so there were Burger King Bags and gum wrappers, pop cans, etc., left over in there that I should have cleaned out, but didn't. So, I was once again so irritated with myself because I wanted to please and bless my husband and knew it wasn't like he'd want. Then, as I was walking to the car it hit me that I also did not have lunch planned! By this point, I felt like a complete failure as a wife, a mom, and just was disappointed and frustrated with myself.
So, I walk to the car and find my family sitting peacefully and smiling and Steve had put some worship music. I slide into the car and sink into my seat, totally self-absorbed in my failures. We begin to drive and about 1/2 way there, Steve reaches over and tenderly takes ahold of my hand and says, "What are you thinking; you're awfully quiet this morning." And I mumbled, "Not much....what are you thinking?" and as I look over at him, he gazes at me with complete love and says, "Oh, just about how privileged I am to be married to you." And I kind of 'snickered' and said, 'yeah, right' and he again looks at me so sweetly and says, "I'm serious, Debi. I am privileged to be your husband."
I almost lost it crying in that moment. Here I was feeling like an utter failure of a wife, mom, and just as a person, and my husband, who had every right to be irritated and disappointed with me, was just lavishing his love on me. Yes, he saw my weaknesses and everything, but rather than focus on all of that, he was choosing to focus on who I was on the inside -- choosing to focus on who I am as a person and the love of his life. It just so struck me and all during worship at church that was all I could think about.
It was such a picture of the love of Christ! Here we are, weak, totally immature humans, and yet He still pursues us and loves us and lavishes His love on us time and time again. He sees our 'yuck', but he chooses to not dwell on that, but chooses to see the 'yes' in our spirit. He knows the desires of our heart to 'be' a certain way and he focuses on that and overwhelms us with His love and desire. It's an amazing thing that I cannot even begin to comprehend. But, this human picture of my husband loving me when I feel at my worst, was such an example of the love of Christ! It caused my heart to soar and to be so grateful for a husband who will love me as Christ loves the church!
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